Step-parenting: my sister, your stepchildren don’t hate you, take time to understand them

Step-parenting is no fairytale and one of the most challenging things in most families and if it’s not handled well it can create a lot of misunderstandings between both adults and children.

First and foremost, as a woman, if you are not ready to balance the love between your biological children and those of your partner, perhaps you should think twice about getting involved with someone who has a child/children from his previous relationship and if you ever decide to marry one, love and treat them equally.

Secondly, we all have to understand that children have nothing to do with our mistakes as adults and all they deserve is love from both of you, as a parent you don’t have to create commotion and differences between your own children and your stepchildren because you may not be with them forever.

The fact that they share the same blood as your biological children is enough for you to love them and treat them.

Most times men find it easier to bond with their wives’ children because generally, children tend to love what their mothers love but on the other hand children will naturally by instincts resist the person, they think replaced their mother and this is very natural and you can’t blame or mistreat your stepchild for this reason.

My sisters, you need to understand that what the children are doing is a natural reaction rather than thinking they hate you or they do it deliberately and maybe you would have done the same thing if you were in their shoes.

If you realize that being close to their father all the time is what they need, give them space to do so and encourage their father to give them the time and the attention they need from him.

As a mother make sure they get all they need to feel safe and happy as children, though it requires a lot of patience, with time, it will be worth it and they will learn to love you and be your friends if they realize you love them and you have nothing against them.

If they don’t trust you enough, take time to talk to them and understand where their insecurity is coming from, find out their interests and what they don’t like about you, and return this will help you create a safe and friendly environment for them.

On the other hand, you also have to understand that you will never be their biological mother and they have every right to interact with their biological mother at any time without creating misunderstandings.

Last but not least, the baby mamas also have a big role to play here in making the children understand that the other ‘mother’ is not the reason as to why you’re not together with their father and even if it were true, the children don’t have to know because that’s where issues will begin from.

My sister, choose to be a good stepmother and keep the fights out of your children’s lives.